The colour without a name.

A complicated attraction

I didn’t set out to seduce her. I don’t even know how it happened. One day, she was just our smallie, and the next thing, I was kissing her and she was moaning in my mouth. I need you to understand that, so I will explain.

I met her on one of those nights we went bar-hopping. We were in our early to mid-twenties, just out to have fun. I didn’t notice her at first, maybe because she wasn’t dressed like a girl, or like any girl I knew. She was wearing an ill-fitting XXL T-shirt and a pair of joggers. For context, she's 5’5, skinny, and was sporting an afro. If I hadn’t heard her voice — soft in a way that could only be feminine — I could have mistaken her for a guy. She sat across from me, but I didn’t pay her any attention. I busied myself with my phone. I was dabbling in FOREX at the time and I had to keep a close eye on the market. Plus she wasn’t my type. But she became a fixture in my life from then on.

In the several outings that followed, she was present, and on one of those evenings, we sat side by side, our bodies close but still at a safe distance from each other. It was just the start of the night. I didn’t have any pending trades so I put my phone away. I admit I have a way with women. They love me. I have been told I’m very attractive and also a great conversationalist. Like I tell my guys, it's not rocket science — just go with the flow, even though this seems like merely a piece of banality, it works. Plus, alcohol makes it easier. I always offer them whatever I am having. I ordered a Black Bullet and she asked if we could share a can as she wasn’t strong enough to finish one herself. As we shared the drink, we made small talk. She wasn’t what I expected. I'd expected her to lean towards the masculine side in her mannerisms and expressions, but she was very feminine. And very animated too. It had been a while since I had spent the evening talking to a girl I didn’t plan to take to my bed before the night was over. She was very open with me. No unnecessary coquetry, almost like she didn’t know how to be coy. She was A’s mothers friend's daughter. He called her his cousin, and sometimes his baby sister.

She became a common fixture at our evening hangouts. One day she wasn't there, and the next she was a constant. She acted just like one of the guys, drank beer when we drank beer, checked girls out with us, and didn’t hesitate to introduce us to any girls we were interested in. Doing all that didn’t make her less feminine in my eyes. I knew I could never date her or anything serious like that, but she was still attractive in a new and surprising way. Once in a while, we would be out till the wee hours of the morning, and on such days, we usually ended up going to one of our houses to sleep till morning. None of us had a regular 9 to 5 and that made things easier. It was on one of those occasions that I kissed her for the first time.

At about 3 am, we drove into the compound. We were staying at the apartment I shared with A. It was the closest to the last bar we visited and we unanimously decided to use our apartment to rest and sober up for their drive back to their houses on the other side of town. I offered her my bed so she wouldn’t have to slum it up with the rest of them. I thought she would sleep up immediately after she got in, but she didn’t. She said she wasn’t sleepy yet. She asked me to put on a movie so it may lull her to sleep. I do not enjoy watching movies either, but I stayed to watch this one with her.

There we were, sharing a drink between us, not for the first or last time too. Some random forgettable movie playing on the TV and then we were making out. I think I made the first move, but I could be wrong. I can taste the beer on her tongue and can tell she’s not very experienced. I knew her level of experience beforehand. I was only the second person she would be kissing. She felt so small in my arms. I have never been a big guy, but she felt even smaller than I was used to. I cupped her head in one of my hands to deepen the kiss and explore the rest of my body with my free hand, I moved my hand slowly from her neck to her breasts, so small I couldn't cup them in my hand. I graze her nipple and she moans into my mouth. She is very responsive, I slowly trail her fingers to her waist and her thighs. Just before I get to the junction, she stops me. She pushes my hand away and pulls away. I look at her in the room only slightly illuminated by the television with the movie still playing. i don’t know if I ought to say something. Maybe crack a joke. None comes to mind. She doesn’t look like she expects anything or regrets the kiss, but she may feel differently when she sobers up. The moment has passed, she's snuggling up like she's ready to bed. That kiss may have made her sleepy, but it's woken up parts of me that were already slumbering. I feel very awake, but I get up and bid her good night.

“You can sleep here if you want, there’s enough space”

“Thank you, I just need to sort out some things”

“Ok, I’m going to sleep. Good night,” she said smiling.

“Good night,” I said as I got up to leave the room. I look back just before I shut the door and catch her eye. I smile as I close the door.

I feel very much awake, can’t believe it’s almost 5 am. I doubt I’ll be able to get any sleep tonight. I decide to go sit in my car lest I wake the rest of the house up. A message from my girlfriend , pops up. She wanted to know if I was back home. You’ve caught me, I have a girlfriend. I don’t think V knows. We never talked about relationships, just every other thing. I think she’s single, I find it hard to believe that any guy would be comfortable letting his girlfriend go out all night, most nights with men. I should ask her tomorrow. I would have gone for a drive to clear my head, but I don’t like driving. I only got the car because I feel like I should have a car. I’ll have to make do with music.

I wake up when I hear the neighbor opening the gate to drive out. I don’t know exactly what he does, but he leaves early every weekday to work. I get out and stretch out my cramped muscles before locking the car back up. I doubt anyone will be awake so early. It's just 7. I walk through the living room as quietly as I can. And into my room. She's awake. Already?

“Why are you up so early?” I ask her,

“Hunger,” she said with a grimace. “My stomach wakes up early.” She paused, “where did you sleep? I didn’t see you in the living room earlier”

I lied and told her I was making a call outside. I wait for her to mention the kiss. She doesn’t. She seems only interested in food. For someone so skinny, she is passionate about food. I go out to get her breakfast as there’s none in the house. We don’t usually have breakfast, and neither do we cook often. The only things in the kitchen are alcoholic drinks and instant noodles. Everyone wakes up shortly after her breakfast and they drive back. She goes with them. She didn’t act any differently. Is it possible she was too drunk to remember what we did?

It’s become a thing. She comes around, we go out and we make out sometimes, never sex. We also never talk about it. The make-out sessions are not planned, at least on my part. Some nights, we don’t do anything. Just sleep or watch movies. Other nights, we can’t seem to keep our mouths off each other. One day she came when I wasn’t expecting her and my girlfriend was visiting. Thankfully, B always knocks on the door before opening it. she didn’t ask me who she was. She didn’t seem interested in hearing my explanation about who she was. The presence or absence of a girl in my bed doesn’t in anyway affect her behavior. It is almost scary how little she seems to care about me and what I do.

--------------------------------------------------

There’s a wedding today. She’s going with us. This would be the first time we’re going out together in the cold light of day. Its not just us of course, the whole gang will be there. The drive there is uneventful. The ceremonies are already in full swing but we are the first of us to arrive. We go find a place to sit at the rear, they’ll find us when they arrive. The other guys arrive first. We start drinking. I’m on my second wine glass when I see her coming towards us. It took me a minute to recognize her. She had on make-up. I had never seen her on make-up. It’s not just the make-up, she’s wearing a form fitting dress with a plunging neckline. I can see the beginning of a cleavage, I didn’t know she had enough for that. She’s even more beautiful that I remembered. She’s the only girl with no wig on, just her usual cornrows. In that she’s the same. She’s smiling as she walks towards us. I think I might be staring. Oh shit. I hope it wasn’t obvious.

“You never see fine girl before?” she asks smiling. No, I haven’t seen any as beautiful as you. I cant say that, so,

” where’s the fine girl? Did you bring one of your fine friends?”

“You didn’t tell me early enough, would have asked Mary to come with. Fine girls need time to get ready" she replies while reaching for my glass. “What are we drinking? Please tell me I didn’t miss the food”

Watching her drink from my glass immediately makes me think of the first night we kissed. I want to kiss her again. She sits in the seat recently vacated by A. she’s talking animatedly with the group. I can only hear bits and pieces, she’s a ways from me. I find a waiter and ask for another glass since she’s taken mine. I watch how animated she is with the group. Every few minutes she'd glance at me. I can tell when she wants to, its like her face turns my way before her eyes do. I look away so she won't catch me staring. I am enjoying watching her a little too much. I wish I had a cigarette, smoking one will give me something to do with my hands. At the rate she’s drinking that wine, I can guess that she’ll soon have to use the rest room. That will give me a chance to get her alone. Just to talk, nothing more.

She gets up not long after, I will wait a bit before I walk out too. I wait for the DJ to play two songs before I get up. I haven’t walked far when I see her talking to a middle aged man. I don’t think she knew him before. She’s leaning away from him and looking around at everyone but him. She catches my eye and smiles at me. He notices and looks back to see what or who she’s smiling at. He grimaces when he sees me. He’s a lecturer in my department and married too. No point hanging around here. She almost looks like she’s entertaining his advances. I can’t watch this.

Going back I’m in a sour mood. Not only did I not get to talk to her privately, I also had to watch that man flirt with her. I shouldn’t be this affected. She’s not my girlfriend. I don’t know what category to place her, but what I do know is that I technically don’t have any right to be jealous. I have a girlfriend. The drive back is quiet. She’s giggling and talking animatedly with her friend at the back seat. I can hear snatches of the conversation, she’s telling her about her encounter with that man. We stopped by her hostel after we left the wedding. She wanted to change and pick up a few things so I asked her to invite her friend to come out with us tonight. I didn’t think she would but she’s full of surprises. Her friend is pretty enough, light skinned with a button nose. She has on weaves and is dressed to the nines. I think she must have convinced her to dress up tonight too because she’s not wearing her usual loose fitting shirt and pants. She has on a sexy little dress and sneakers. She doesn’t look so small anymore.

We go home first. It’s too early to go out, just 6pm but not too early to start drinking. I offer them drinks and play music. She’s left the room with A. I think she just wants to give her friend and I privacy. Her friend is cool enough but I can’t help but glance at the door at intervals. She doesn’t come out till much later, just before we were to leave.

”I feel like a new woman. A’s bed is so comfortable” she said as she came out.

“Where’s A?”

“He's in the bathroom, he’ll be out soon. Aren’t you going to change?”

“In a minute. I didn’t want to leave her by herself” I replied. I looked back to her friend.

--------------------------------------------------

Her friend, Linda stuck to me the whole night. I did nothing to encourage her attention, admittedly I didn’t attempt to discourage it either. Linda is using the shower in my room. I came out to give her privacy. I don’t know if I want to do anything with her yet. She seems to want to though, maybe it’s the alcohol maybe not. I am thinking of what to do when I run into V in the kitchen. She’s sitting up on the counter. She must have climbed there. She looks sober, maybe I can ask her about it now.

“Want to go for a walk?” I ask her.

“Its late.” She said rolling her eyes.

“Are you scared? Don’t worry, I’ll be there to protect you” I said offering her my hand.

“Didn’t peg you as the knight in shining armor type” she replied. I don’t know what to say to that, so I just smile. Her fingers feel small in mine. She just slipped them in my palm, our fingers aren't interlinked yet it feels intimate. She’s quiet as we walk out the house, as I close the door behind us she asks about Linda. “She’s taking a shower.”

“Do you like her?”

“She’s cool,” I pause “I wanted to talk about something else”